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I was fuming. Furious. Livid. Outraged. I received a ridiculously high bill for a 15-minute orthopedic doctor visit. I don't feel this way often, but I honestly considered punching something. I realized that wouldn't be wise (I can't afford another doctor's visit!) but I recognized I had energy to burn. I could either release the energy in a negative way, by cursing, ranting or punching, or I could use it in a positive way. I decided the latter would make more sense. So I ran an errand, and then my daughter and I started working on cleaning out her closet. Clutter clearing is very therapeutic! Taking action made me feel so much better. I used my negative energy for something positive. I got my mind off the problem. I crossed something off my list. Of course I'm still frustrated about the doctor's bill. I need to apply lots of other pep talk advice (for example, Reframe the experience, Let time pass, Shift to gratitude) to better cope with it, and at some point I'll need to take action on the situation, by making a phone call or making a payment. But I recently heard Gretchen Rubin say, "The stewing is worse than the doing." In that context, she meant that rather than dreading something, it's better to just do it. But I think more generally that action - even unrelated action - feels better than getting stuck in the muck and the mire of our thoughts. Take action. Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

I read about a family that used an interesting strategy to get through a particularly difficult time; they sacrificed one thing a week. So one week - no laundry. Another week - no home-cooked meals. Another week - no bill-paying. It was a good temporary solution. By dropping one ball each week they were able to keep the rest of the balls in the air. Our family has employed this approach from time to time, by making a conscious choice to cut one thing for a little while (or a long time) to help us have enough time, space or money for all the other things that were important. Too busy? Cut one activity out of your schedule. Want to lose weight? Cut one food or beverage out of your diet. Need to save a little more money? Cut one expense out of your budget. Too hooked on your phone? Cut out one app by deleting it. Want to improve your mental health? Cut one unhealthy behavior. Need more space in your closet? Cut one item a day by adding it to a donation pile. The idea of simplifying our schedules and lives is often appealing but also overwhelming. Just cutting one thing can help. Some of your cuts will be temporary; others will be long-term and will lead to more cuts. Some cuts will feel great; some will not and you might add those things back. That's why you start small. Cut one thing. Photo by Matt Artz on Unsplash

There's something cathartic about putting pen to paper. Yet with the proliferation of devices, fewer and fewer people are experiencing this. If you're one of these people, I'm here to encourage you to give it a try. Here are some ways to experience the benefits of putting it on paper: Make a list of all your to-dos or everything that's on your mind. It sounds overwhelming, but I've found seeing everything on paper actually helps reduce stress. Looking at everything at once can help you identify what's most important and what probably doesn't have to be done at all. It also helps you group tasks. Maybe there are three phone calls to make and four people to text. Now you can take care of those at the same time. It also helps you take advantage of small pockets of time that arrive because you can find a 5-minute task on your list. Process an experience. When you're feeling really frustrated, scared, annoyed, etc. it can be a great idea to write about it rather than to stew about it or vent about it. Put on paper what happened and why you're feeling the way you are. This will often help you figure out what to do next, and because writing helps you put a situation into perspective, it might help you determine you don't have to do anything else. For really serious situations... Find meaning through expressive writing. In The How of Happiness Sonja Lyubomirsky shares that "compared with control groups, people who spend three days exploring their deepest thoughts and feelings about ordeals or traumas in a journal make fewer visits to a doctor in the months following the writing sessions show enhanced immune function, report less depression and distress, obtain higher grades, and are more likely to find new jobs after unemployment." It's not the emotional catharsis that helps - "the critical mechanism appears to be the nature of the writing process itself, which helps us understand, come to terms with, and make sense of our trauma." Write out worries, concerns or prayers. I have a page in my notebook called "What I'm sad/worried/hoping/praying about" and it's a place to put concerns both big and small. This helps me keep things in perspective, and it also helps me know that each item is recorded somewhere and I don't have to keep thinking about it. Tap into the full power of writing through Morning Pages. This is three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, ideally done first thing in the morning. I found this blog post that really helps explain the Morning Pages concept developed by Julia Cameron. When I wrote Morning Pages years ago, I experienced a clearer mind, better ideas and less anxiety. It might be time for me to set the alarm earlier and do this again. You may hesitate to write because you aren't confident in your writing skills or because you think it's just easier to type. But remember this writing is for your eyes only and in general, writing helps you remember and process ideas better than typing. Writing also helps you avoid the distractions that come from devices. And it doesn't matter if you're writing in a leather-bound journal or a piece of scrap paper. Put it on paper. Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash

Several years ago I worked in an extremely stressful job in a very negative environment. Creating a website, starting a Facebook page, partnering with a friend to design a logo, writing speeches... all of these gave me a healthy place to focus my energy, rather than spending it on extra hours at work or coming home and complaining about work every night. I had been going down a very negative path, and having this project helped me move in the right direction. Having a project, whether as part of a noble goal or as a little some-would-think-this-is-silly endeavor, sparks a whole lot of joy. A friend is writing a lengthy story as a gift for his sister-in-law, my daughter rearranges her room at least once a month, my husband's been photographing peonies in all sorts of lighting and settings for the past several days, and I'm starting to work on creative ways to compile all the pep talks I've written, systematically wearing and cataloging all my dresses, and brainstorming how to redesign my website. A project can come in any size, type or duration. Having a project helps to keep you away from unhealthy behaviors, whether it's consuming too much tech or gossiping or complaining or overeating. It gives you something to get excited about. It helps you grow. It helps you reach larger goals. The book I've quoted most in my Pep Talks is The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky, because implementing the lessons I've learned from it has truly changed my life. There are six benefits of committed goal pursuit, according to Lyubomirsky, and I've found them to also be the benefits of having projects: Committed goal pursuit provides us a sense of purpose and a feeling of control over our lives. Having meaningful goals bolsters our self-esteem, stimulating us to feel confident and efficacious. The accomplishment of every subgoal (on the way to the big goal) is yet another opportunity for an emotional boost. Pursuing goals adds structure and meaning to our daily lives. It grants responsibilities, deadlines, timetables, opportunities for mastering new skills and for social interactions with others. Being committed to our goals helps us learn to master our use of time: to identify higher-order goals, to subdivide them into smaller steps or subgoals, and to develop a schedule to accomplish them. Commitment to goals during times of crisis may help us cope better with problems. The pursuit of goals often involves engaging with other people and such social connections can be happiness-inducing in and of themselves. According to Lyubomirsky, "People who strive for something personally significant, whether its learning a new craft, changing careers, or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don't have strong dreams or aspirations. Find a happy person, and you will find a project." Photo by Jo Szczepanska on Unsplash

I wore one of my favorite tops yesterday - sea foam green with white polka dots. My favorite part of wearing it is I have perfectly matching earrings and necklace. Each time I passed a mirror it gave me a little spark of joy to be so matchy-matchy. It's the little things, right? Sometimes they're what get us through a tough day. Plus, if we only find happiness in the big things - vacations, promotions, weddings, concerts - we may not be happy so often. But if we can find even happiness in little things, those little happinesses add up. I have a long history of enjoying the little things. When we went out to restaurants when I was a kid, all six of us shared a few sodas. But when we were on vacation, we each got our own drinks. I still smile when I remember the excitement of getting my own bottle of Snapple! Another happy memory is my dad stopping at the convenience store and picking a special snack for each of us at the start of our road trip home from Ohio. Another is playing bingo out on our back porch; the prizes were the free items Mom had saved from cereal boxes over the year. Another is running outside after the rain and shaking the tree branches over each other's heads. Or the time Dad drove me to band camp on his motorcycle. Most of my happy memories are from relatively ordinary experiences that felt special, not from big adventures or life-changing moments. I'll bet it's the same for you - different experiences, different memories, but the same type of "little things matter" moments. If you want to be just a little bit happier, delight in the little things - that one feature you're really grateful for in your vehicle, the smile you got from a stranger, the way your purchases added up to $11.11, the new pen someone gave you, the perfectly ripe mango you cut at just the right time, the peek of sun through the clouds, the five consecutive green lights, the conversation that goes more easily than you feared, the lost item you found, the sale on your favorite snack, the "this used to be my favorite!" song that's playing on the radio, the sound of children laughing... Delight in the little things. Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

"It sure is glorious out today," I said to myself. "Yeah, but too bad it's going to rain tomorrow for Mother's Day," I said back. I actually felt sad for a moment. And then I realized how ridiculous I was being. I thought of the oft-quoted, "Enjoy today. Because yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't promised." Do I want to be the type of person who's too busy worrying about tomorrow's forecast to enjoy today's sunshine? Nope, I sure don't. Do you? Photo by Art Creative on Unsplash

When I was a kid, my dad seemed to have a nickname for everything. For years the lawnmower was known as Big Red. When he asked us about our friends, he'd their shorten their names and add "the" before them, so Gina and Jody became the Gin and the Jod. He nicknamed the places we shopped and the places we worked. My brother was Skippy for a time, in reference to his lawn-mowing style. To this day I still call my mom Little Mama, the name Dad created for her; he is Big D. All these nicknames drove us a little crazy, but they also added to an atmosphere of play in the house. When I went to college, I was friends with a group of friends who rented a house together, the House of CHAMS - Caroline, Heather, Alyssa, Mary and Samantha. Having one word to describe it rather than saying each of their names was fun. And it made it memorable (I graduated over 20 years ago!). On the podcasts Happier with Gretchen Rubin and Happier in Hollywood, Gretchen Rubin and Elizabeth Craft talk about the fluency heuristic, which is the concept that if it's easier to say or think something, it seems more valuable. Alliteration and rhyming are great ways to do this. I've heard them use the term power hour as a strategy to knock out dreaded or procrastinated tasks in - you guessed it - a dedicated hour. Elizabeth and her writing partner Sarah talk about seasons of sacrifice, times when work is more intense and therefore other priorities have to suffer for a bit. Last week I took a much-needed vacation day. Often my PTO days are used for speeches or family obligations, but this day was just for me. I read, I slept, I had the house to myself. For the week leading up to it, I called it an obligation vacation. This helped me remember my intended goal to do things I wanted to do, rather than those I felt I was obligated to do. Right now, I'm on a sugar strike. I'm passing up cakes and cookies and candy, because I found I was way too often saying yes. So I've started saying no, in the hopes of fitting back into my pants. Having a name for it is helping me stick with the plan. Or maybe I'm deserting desserts? Want to make a task, a goal, or a mindset feel more special, more fun or more memorable? Give it a name. Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

When I was a kid, going to a yard sale was the very definition of torture. Walk around the yard of someone I didn't know? Talk to strangers? Look through - and possibly buy - their used stuff? How mortifying! A flea market was equally painful. And forget about wearing hand-me-downs. Who would want to wear someone else's clothes? Wow, has my perspective changed since then. As an adult I sure am grateful for other people's used stuff. Consignment stores and used book stores are my favorite places to shop. I am so grateful for every hand-me-down piece of clothing my kids (and occasionally even I) have received. And I'm equally gleeful when I pass those items along to the next family. Our patio furniture is a mix of handed-down delights, dumpster dive treasures, and flea market finds, items we never would have been able to afford if we were buying new. But it's not just the financial savings that sparks joy. It's the idea that I'm not consuming more new stuff, that items can find new life when used by different people or in a different way. I've seen countless Facebook friends repurpose furniture, jewelry and more, combining creativity and resourcefulness to give old items new life. It's amazing to see how one man's junk really turns into another man's treasure. Ideas and words can be repurposed too. On several occasions a proposal that's rejected by one prospective client includes the perfect verbiage, positioning or pricing for another project that comes along. Discarded blog posts often contain one or two good ideas that can be used to start another one. To reuse and repurpose more in your life, ask these questions: How can this be used a different way? Who could use this or create something new from it? What do I already have that could fit this need? What worked before that I can use again? Repurpose. Photo by Artem Beliaikin from Pexels

I live in a world of high expectations. I expect a lot of my employees, my husband, my kids, my friends, and mostly, myself. I think having high expectations for myself makes me a better employee, a better wife, a better mom and a better friend, but it can also be exhausting. Some of my relationships are strained at times because my expectations of other people can be unrealistic. I need to adjust what I'm expecting. I need to acknowledge that mistakes happen. I need to accept that mistakes happen. And maybe I even need to expect that mistakes happen. When I'm at my best as a leader, I tell an employee who's made a mistake, "That's how we learn. Let's fix it." The same approach works well as a parent. Because that is how we learn, isn't it? Someone can tell us ten times not to do something, but it's not until we get it wrong that we realize how important it is to get it right. Here's why it may benefit all of us to learn to expect mistakes from others and ourselves: When that other person we've trained or supervised or parented makes a mistake, it's not necessarily a reflection on our training/supervising/parenting skills. But how we respond to the mistake often is. Mistakes are often a good sign. Because when we're trying hard, we're going to mess up. When we're putting ourselves out there, we're going to fall short. When we're challenging the status quo, we'll make mistakes. When we're playing it safe, mistakes are much less likely. But the rewards are fewer too. When we expect and accept mistakes from others, they're more likely to accept them from us. Win win. Expecting mistakes and having high expectations are not mutually exclusive. But the higher the expectations, the more likely there are also mistakes. Expect mistakes so you can accept mistakes. Then fix them and move on. Photo by chuttersnap on Unsplash

For many families I know, particularly those with school-age children, May is a pretty intense month. Proms, concerts, games, field trips, banquets, other end-of-school-year activities, Mother's Day, Memorial Day... a whole lot of stuff at once. Plus the weather is (hopefully) nice enough consistently that many of us want to be outside, soaking up some sun, getting exercise, preparing our yards or gardens for summer. Most of the activities are actually pretty fun on their own, but the whole month can pass in a blur if we find ourselves racing from one event to another. And that doesn't feel fun at all. If you find yourself nodding in agreement, do yourself a favor and set aside some time to look at the May calendar and ask yourself some important questions about each event: What will I wear? What will I eat? What do I need to bring? What do I need to buy? What other tasks or events do I have to plan around? How can I make this easier? How will I feel afterward? How can I make sure I enjoy this? If I won't enjoy this, do I really have to do it? If you can plan ahead on some logistics, you won't just survive an intense month. You might even enjoy it! Of course, this is not just a May survival strategy for families. Whatever your situation, you likely have some intense periods, whether they are filled with work commitments, family obligations, fun activities, or necessary appointments. You can be a victim, consistently surprised and caught unprepared, or you can predict the predictable and plan ahead. Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

I've been considered by some to be a good gift giver. I love to give good gifts and get a thrill from that "How did you know I wanted that?" or "I love this!" moment. Today I'm going to let you in on the secret behind my gift-giving success: I pay attention. That's it. When someone mentions their favorite treat or flower or brand, I make a note of it it. When someone says, "I'd love to get one of those," I put one of those in my Amazon cart (sometimes minutes after our conversation about it). When someone likes a product I have, I set a reminder a few weeks before their birthday or pick it up and hold onto it. When someone shares their hobby, I think about what gifts might go along with that hobby. When someone talks about a problem they're having, I look for a gift that might help them solve it. When someone mentions their favorite singer, I'll ask if they have the newest album; if not, I'll get them the CD or the digital music. I do the same with movies and soundtracks. When someone says, "I have too much stuff" or "I need to clean out" I take them out rather than buy them something. When I'm not sure what someone's preference is, I'll ask in an indirect way: I'll start a conversation about favorite restaurants so I know the best place for which to give a gift card. Or I'll reveal something about myself (I am an office supply junkie, I love polka dots) and see what type of response that elicits. When I get it right, I realize it's not about the actual gift that much at all. It's about making people feel heard and seen. We can do that without spending a dime. "It sounds like you're having a tough time - do you want to talk more about it?" "I noticed you've been eating a lot healthier lately, which was one of your goals- good job!" "I saw on Facebook you posted an obituary - was that a friend or family member?" "I heard you say you are looking forward to the weekend - what do you have planned?" Want to strengthen your relationships? Pay attention. Photo by Ivan Jevtic on Unsplash

"There's no one at the playground. Can we go?" "Okay," I said and then immediately regretted it as a minivan and SUV pulled up. Two moms emerged with their combined six little ones. Six! So much for our peaceful visit to the park. Most people might naturally enjoy seeing kids at a playground, but I am not most people. They started running and screaming. I could feel myself start to get annoyed. And then I decided to change my perspective. Instead of being annoyed, I'd be entertained. And entertained I was. My daughter and I laughed almost the whole time. You may find yourself in some other situations in which you would benefit from changing the way you look at things. Frustrated at the long line? Be entertained by watching others in the crowd. Irritated by a client that keeps missing calls? Be entertained by the inanity of it (and then increase his rates). Angry about the delay slowing down your commute? Be entertained by a podcast or audiobook or what's on the radio instead. In almost every situation, we have a choice abut how we react to the circumstances. Free yourself from negative emotions about life's little nuisances. Choose to be entertained. Photo by Leo Rivas on Unsplash