Search Results

What are your favorite activities of the summer? Some of mine are eating corn on the cob, spending a day at the beach, taking in a baseball game, watching fireworks, sitting on our patio, and enjoying extra daylight. That list makes me happy, yet I realize I'm guilty of making statements such as, "I don't like summer. It's too hot." And "Spring and fall are my favorite seasons." But as I said in this post about winter, it really is bananas to act miserable for a full 25% of the year. So whether you're in the summer-isn't-my-favorite camp with me or you think I'm nuts because this is your favorite time of year, my challenge to you is to do what you can to savor this season. And each season that comes after it. How? Determine which activities you like best, and then make sure you do them. Enjoy the parts you like about the season, and don't fret about the rest. At the end of the school year, my kids wrote lists this year of what they most wanted to do this summer, and seeing it in writing helped motivate us to take a late-June day trip to the beach, whereas in the past we might have said "Let's go the beach" and then never go and say "Oh, we should have gone to the beach!" Writing this post reminded me how much I enjoy watching baseball, yet I haven't watched any games in person this year. So I checked out the American Legion schedule and marked my calendar to attend the next game. As I post this, there are 52 days till Labor Day, the unofficial end to summer. How will you savor the season? Photo by Ethan Robertson on Unsplash

Two weeks ago I posted on my personal Facebook page: Anyone looking for “getting up early” mutual accountability? I’m trying to fight my lifelong battle with the snooze alarm so I’m looking for someone I can text at 5:45 AM to say, “I did it! How about you?” I received a much bigger response than I expected, with a whole bunch of people immediately raising their hands while others mentioned they could help in certain circumstances. Before I could even reply, at 5:44 AM the next morning, I got a text from a friend saying, "Good morning friend. Make it a positive and productive day!" It made my day. And knowing she was there looking for a text from me got me out of bed the next four days. And then the next week. We've texted every weekday morning since then, just a quick "good morning" message to start our days. (It's important to note that she'd be up regardless of whether she's texting me. She doesn't seem to fight the battle of the snooze, yet she's willing to help me!) Last week I added weekday messaging with two other friends. We created a little morning accountability group as the three of us know our lives will be better if we are up and at 'em in the morning, making time for ourselves. All that's required is to say good morning. And now thanks to that post I have additional friends I can touch base with if I need extra accountability. I've been battling with that snooze for so long. (I've written about it before.) But I've been doing it alone. It felt like this big struggle I had to handle myself until the moment when I realized this is probably a struggle some others have too and maybe we could help each other. It's good to ask for help. It also makes it so much more fun to know other people are fighting the same battle, and to know others are accomplishing their goals in part because of your help. I'm finding it helpful to just know others are up at the same time. Got goals? Moving past bad habits? Chances are there's someone else who has the same goals or struggles. And someone else who can help. Life is more fun when we go through it together. Find a buddy.

Do any of these conversations sound familiar? "I'm nervous about the test." "You don't have anything to be nervous about." "I need to lose 10 pounds." "No you don't, but I need to." "I'm not as patient and loving with my kids as I'd like to be." "You're a great parent!" "I"m so upset about that experience." "Well, let me tell you about my experience." "I'm really struggling." "You seem to have it all together!" It's amazing how often we don't let people feel the way they feel, isn't it? Chances are there have been times you were trying to share and you felt unheard, ignored, one-upped, or dismissed. And times you've made others feel this way. Sometimes we're so eager to make someone feel better we don't realize we're making them feel worse. One of the definitions of validation is "recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile." What's the easiest validate someone? Pay attention. Ask questions. Connect. "I'm nervous about the test." "What part are you most nervous about?" "I need to lose 10 pounds." "Me too! Want to help each other?" "I'm not as patient and loving with my kids as I'd like to be." "I'm surprised to hear you say that. What's making you feel that way?" "I'm so upset about that experience." "I can understand why you would be. Do you want to talk about it?" "I'm really struggling." "What's going on?" "How can I help?" Of course there is no one-size-fits-all approach. You have to modify your responses based on the person, your relationship and the situation. But telling someone their experience isn't real or disputing their statement will rarely, if ever be helpful. Validate them. Photo by Joshua Clay on Unsplash

I have this vague memory of a somewhat cheesy song I learned as a kid, maybe in Girl Scouts, or maybe in CCD. Maybe it was in school. My Google searches have not been turned up anything, and the rest of the melody is a blur, yet I can hear the one line of the song as clear as a day: "If you want a friend... be one." I've come to learn that often the simplest sayings are very true. If you want more clear communication, be clearer in yours. If you want more compassion, be more compassionate. If you want more harmony, be more harmonious. If you want more connections, connect more. If you want more peace, be more peaceful. If you want more likes, give more likes. If you want more love, be more loving. If you want a friend, be a friend. As is often the case, the opposite is true as well. If you want less drama, be less dramatic. If you want less stress, be less stressed. I recently had a situation in which a friend really hurt me. Her texts made me feel as if I was back in high school, and I said aloud, "I hate drama." And then I realized I could either be dramatic about it, telling anyone who would listen about how I was wronged, or I could cut the drama by just deleting the texts, writing about the experience in my journal, and actively choosing not to share the story with anyone else. I chose the second approach and it worked. The beautiful thing about this crazy life we're living is that we always have a choice. Be what you want. Photo by Bonnie Kittle on Unsplash

Many students and teachers are familiar with writing prompts, questions or sentence-starters to help students get thinking and writing. Not just for students, prompts can help you process your world, identify your goals, improve your conversations, strengthen your relationships, and much more. Here are some ways you might use prompts: Need something to talk about at dinnertime or on road trips? These make conversations much more interesting, help you pass the time, and encourage you to learn more about your companions. Find some examples here and here. Stuck on ways to connect with kids? I bought this mother-son journal and this mother-daughter journal and have learned a lot about how they interpret the world in their responses. Sometimes writing to each other can be easier than talking out loud to each other. Speaking of writing, prompts can be a great way to help you if you want to journal, or perhaps if you are using morning pages, which I've been doing since I suggested it last month. I found this list of 650 prompts for narrative and personal writing. Here's a list for kids with links to others. Prompts can also help you set goals. Here are 12 to get you started. Select some go-to prompts for better conversations. I posted last year about asking better questions. A friend of mine is great at this and always asks "What was the best part?" to focus the conversation and get to the highlight. Questions can challenge us, teach us, change us. Use prompts. Photo by Green Chameleon on Unsplash

Most of us have done it. Answered "How was your day?" or "How was your trip?" by starting with the one bad thing that happened rather than emphasizing all the good stuff. Sometimes people spend so long on preamble or complaints that by the time they get to the fun heart of the story, time is up or boredom has set in. While I am certainly not advocating for lying, there is no rule that you have to tell the whole truth. Here are some tips for editing your story: I've learned it's better to have someone lean in to ask you more than to have them lean back and try to exit. Start with a sentence or two and then see what interests the listener. You don't have to pretend it was all fabulous if it wasn't, but you also don't have to emphasize what went wrong. Focusing on the positive also helps you develop a more positive mindset. The way you tell your story is the way you'll remember it. So if you focus on the traffic, the long lines, the high prices, that's what you'll remember. Fortunately the opposite is also true. Taking a few moments to think about how you will position something will make the story-sharing experience better for everyone. If you know most Mondays someone will ask, "How was your weekend?" think about how you'd like to answer the question in advance. If you notice people cutting your stories short, pay attention to how much and what you're sharing. It may be that you're sharing too much information or being overly negative. After a while, it's hard to hear about the long lines at Disney World when you yourself would do almost anything to be able to take that trip. If having great conversations or being more positive is important to you, edit your story. Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

In January 2010, I had been in my Toastmasters club for about fifteen months and had given only five speeches during that time. I wanted to accelerate my timeline, and I decided wanted to complete my tenth speech, achieving the Competent Communicator designation, on my 34th birthday in mid-November. (I really know how to live it up!) So I worked backward. I put it on paper. To get to speech #10 by November, I had to complete six speeches in ten months, starting in mid-January. I calculated how often I'd have to give a speech to meet my goal, and then started signing up for speech dates. To further ensure I would reach the goal and to reinforce my plan, this goal and my plan to get there was my speech topic that January night. This also added public accountability. Sure enough, when November 16 came around, I celebrated my birthday by giving my tenth speech. I had achieved the goal. Had I not started by identifying the November end date and working backward to see if it was even feasible, I definitely wouldn't have completed so many speeches in such a short time period. Of course, working backward can help in much smaller ways too. Each winter we help with the Pennsylvania State Snowshoe Championships race, which my father-in-law directs at a local ski slope. Each year we end up driving way too fast to ensure we arrive before the first competitors do, because we leave our house too late. This year when considering when to wake up we worked backward from when we needed to arrive, factored in how long it would take to get there, how long it takes to make coffee and eat breakfast, how long to get ready, and then included time to hit snooze once or twice. It worked and we arrived on time. This makes so much sense when I stop to think about it, but too often I don't take the few minutes it takes to actually think about it. So what time should you leave for that event tomorrow morning? Well, when do you want to be in the building you're headed to? How long will it take you to walk there from the parking lot if you're driving or from the train or bus stop? How long will the actual drive or ride take? What time do you need to be fully dressed and nourished to leave on time? How long does it take to get ready and eat? If you add in a few minutes to each step of the journey, you should know when to get up to be ready in time. If you really want to get specific, you can even make a note for yourself about when you should be doing each thing so you know if you're on time or not. (I did this for a baby shower I was in charge of planning, and people have commented how that was the best shower they've attended because everything moved so smoothly and those who wanted to were able to get out of there in two hours, which was my goal!) Need to meet a certain deadline or arrive at a certain time? Work backward. Photo by Kelsey Dody on Unsplash

I got the text and accompanying picture while on my morning trek around the park. "My pocketbook for today. I think of you so often when I’m changing out my bags!" It put an instant smile on my face. Joanne and I met a few years ago when I was walking out of a church event behind her. “You have a Miche bag!” I exclaimed. “A what?” she asked. She had purchased the cute bag at a consignment store and wasn’t familiar with the brand of interchangeable handbags. I was a Miche rep at the time and eventually sold her some more outer shells for her base bag. When the company went out of business, I started to whittle down my collection, and have done a few more purges since then. A few times I have given some of the shells that no longer suit me to other friends. Joanne has been so grateful to receive several of them and periodically sends me a picture of the unique handbag combination she has created. Her gratitude and creativity always make me smile. I think of a previous boss every time I iron, because 16 years ago, she gave me the iron from our wedding registry as a shower gift. Even though that iron has been replaced, I still think of her and smile when I iron. This happens all the time with objects I use or clothes I wear, gifts that were purchased for me or handed down to me. My best friend recently sent me a necklace; she bought the same one for herself. When I need to feel close to her, I wear it. And then I reach out. Of course it may not just be gifts that make you think of someone. Maybe you drove past a car that looks just like theirs. Maybe you went to lunch at the same place the two of you used to eat all the time. Maybe their post on social media inspired you to reach out. Maybe you're just thinking of someone without any external prompt at all. If you haven't connected in a little bit, reach out to that person and say hello. Tell them you're thinking of them and maybe even how much they mean to you, if you haven't told them before or in a while. I've written letters to favorite high school teachers and received notes I'll save forever. And even a "thinking of you" text message can make someone's day. Tell them. Photo by KAOTARU on Unsplash

I spend a fair amount of my time reminding myself and those around me that we are all pretty similar. Despite the differences in our skin color, religion, ethnic background, sexual orientation, age, many of us have similar motivations - to have our basic needs met, to keep ourselves and those around us safe, to be valued, to experience joy, and so on. But I've also spent a lot of time thinking about how different we are and trying to appreciate that. A friend's son graduates high school this week. She mentioned how nervous he was and how he just wanted to be done with it. "Nervous? Is he giving a speech or something?" She said no, and went on to explain he's a kid who does anything he can not to draw attention to himself and he was feeling anxious about the whole situation - the attire, the cap and gown, walking all the way up to the stage and across the stage, shaking hands, getting his diploma. Huh. Nervousness wasn't my experience when I graduated, and considering my kids' personalities, I doubt it will be theirs either. But it totally makes sense that it would be the experience of many others. (My perspective was further changed when I learned his graduating class has over 1000 students in it! That's twice the size of my college graduating class. So his experience has been different than mine in a lot of ways.) We all have our own perspectives on every situation, based not only on our genetic makeup but also our past experiences. And the more we remember that there are multiple ways to view the same situation, the less likely we are to judge and the more likely we are to try to understand each other's perspective. I had an employee who was really struggling with some of the computer work the job required. What came as second nature to her peers felt foreign to her. A few co-workers were having a difficult time understanding this, so I had them consider how comfortable some of them (and this employee) were in the kitchen and how I feel totally out of my element there. Sure, I can follow a recipe, but I don't enjoy it. I don't experiment. I don't know the language. Cooking and baking brings so many people joy. But not me. I'd rather create a complicated spreadsheet or deliver a lengthy speech (two tasks lots of people don't enjoy that much) than make a simple recipe. My co-workers seemed to have more compassion for the employee when they considered this perspective. Acknowledging differing gifts and perspectives and personality types has been helpful throughout my career. I've learned to approach people the way they want to be approached, not the way I want to approach them. Understanding what's important to clients and to employees has helped me communicate better. It takes a lot of work and can be really frustrating ("Why can't she just see it my way?" "Why doesn't he just do it this way?") but considering multiple perspectives can also widen my viewpoint and make almost everything I do better. Value the differences. Photo by Good Free Photos on Unsplash

Are you a fan of ballpoint pens? Do you love egg rolls? How about iced tea? Herbs and spices? Or the summer treat known as a black cow, which sounds a lot like a root beer float? If you said yes to any of these, you're in luck because as this post goes live on June 10th, it's National Ballpoint Pen Day, National Egg Roll Day, National Iced Tea Day, National Herbs and Spices Day, and National Black Cow Day. Let the party begin! Life is more fun when you find more reasons to celebrate. Before you roll your eyes too much, hear me out. If you enjoy one of the items I mentioned in the opening paragraph, did reading about its special day make you smile a little bit? Did you start thinking maybe you would take a few extra minutes to brew some iced tea today or to make a point of using a ballpoint pen? (If not, perhaps you'll enjoy tomorrow more - it's National Corn on the Cob Day, National Making Life Beautiful Day, National Call Your Doctor Day, and National German Chocolate Cake Day. A dinner of corn on the cob and German chocolate cake sounds good to me!) Life is hard and sometimes one day slides into the next without much to distinguish it. If we wait for the big holidays or vacations to be happy, we're going to be waiting for a while. Why not find more reasons to celebrate? I've found that even just noting what "day" it is a few times a week has helped keep life interesting. It adds a structure and focus to the day; sometimes it helps determine a meal or activity. It can provide something to look forward to. It helps you enjoy the little things. I started paying attention to all this in February, and it helped me fight the winter blues. Even laughing about what feels like a silly holiday can spark joy. Wishing someone else "Happy National Pop Goes the Weasel Day" (June 14, in case you're wondering) can bring you and that other person a smile. Want to add more celebrations to your life? Check out these sources: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/ https://www.daysoftheyear.com/ https://www.nonstopcelebrations.com/ Every day we wake up on this earth is a gift. Celebrate the day. Photo by Burst on pexels.com

First we were playing cards. Then the phone rang. While I waited for my husband to wrap up the conversation with his mom, I was startled to see a turkey walking on our sidewalk! A turkey! On the sidewalk! In town! I pointed her out to Mike then ran to get the kids so they could see, and we watched a mama and two babies check out our front yard and find the perfect place to bed down amidst our hostas and pachysandra! It was our very own Marty Stouffer Wild America moment. We watched from the living room window for a while, careful not to disturb them since the windows were wide open. Eventually Mike called his mom to finish their conversation and the kids went back upstairs. Yet still I sat, watching. Sitting and watching. Sitting and watching. It felt like such a special occasion. We've lived in town for 16 years and have never to our knowledge had a turkey in the yard. And as you can probably tell, I don't spend a whole lot of time with animals. I was riveted. It's also not very often that I just sit and observe anything. I attempt to meditate every morning, some days more successfully than others. I'm supposed to observe my thoughts and let them go without getting attached. I find that to be almost impossible. Yet when mama and her babies arrived, I just sat. I didn't have to do anything. As a matter of fact, it was better if I didn't do anything as we didn't want to startle them. And when I was watching, they had my full attention. I didn't think about anything else. I just observed. When I walked away, I felt happier and a lot more relaxed than I had been in weeks. I am often so busy taking action that I forget sometimes it's okay to just take it all in. Not just okay, important. The turkeys haven't been back since. But I'm grateful for the way they taught me a lesson that hadn't quite sunk in during lots of mindfulness training. Want to be more present? Observe. Photos by Jon Sailer on Unsplash and Mike Myers

I first learned about active listening in high school. Twenty-some years later, I think I've finally figured out how to do it. I called my daughter, "How did it go at school today?" "Terrible, Mom." And she told me about how, for the project she'd been working on for weeks, each of the three judges chose a winner and none of the judges chose her. She went on for a few minutes about the unfairness and what some of the winning projects were and how even though one of the judges said her presentation was excellent, he picked another student and didn't explain why. Other students told her they loved her invention and presentation, but that didn't seem to matter to her at all. In fact, she almost seemed insulted by it. I was tempted to say, "At least people gave you compliments about your presentation." I could have said, "It's okay if you didn't win" or "You're not going to win every time." I wanted to ask, "What do you think you learned from this experience?" I thought about saying, "That's the way it works sometimes." I probably did say some of those things eventually. But what I said first was, "It sounds to me it's not so much that you're upset that you didn't win; you're upset that you were told you would be judged on these certain criteria and you feel you were judged on something completely different. You are frustrated the judges didn't do what your teacher said they were going to do and that kids who didn't prepare as well ended up winning." "Exactly!!!" she said. Exactly? I have a few-months-away-from-being-a-teenager. This type of response is extremely rare. In fact, it might be a first. But I took time to actually listen and not just think of my response or try to talk her into feeling anything different than she was feeling. I heard what she was saying, and what she wasn't saying. If I hadn't been listening closely, I would have thought she was acting like a sore loser or just being whiny or gossipy. But she needed to vent, and when I listened to her vent, I could get to what the heart of the issue was. It wasn't the loss that bothered her; it was the unfairness. Once she felt heard about that, and had her feelings validated, she calmed down quite a bit. I didn't have to agree with her that it was unfair or try to talk her into feeling it was fair. I didn't really have to say much at all. I just had to listen. Photo by Alireza Attari on Unsplash